Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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