i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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