I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
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