Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
