new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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