Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
