I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
