She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Randomize
