Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize
