I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Gay?
German.
Pity.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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