This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize
