i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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