member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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