Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
