WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
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