Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
