we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
