Swine flu. Run for my life!
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
it's like heaven, but drunker
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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