I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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