I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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