dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
