My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
