At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
