I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
