Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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