If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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