I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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