I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
What drink are we having for lunch?
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
