I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
