So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
