singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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