You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
