Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
