With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
