I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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