I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
