I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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