I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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