Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
