i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I just want nice things and good sex
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
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