obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
