i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
