I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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