I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
