he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
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