so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
