soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
