just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
