somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
