Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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