very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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