Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
