there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
why is half of my head shaved?
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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