I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
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