Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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