I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Randomize
